didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
