The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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