There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize