You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
