The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
