Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
