just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
