ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
