idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We left the knife in your bed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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