I haven't been this sober since birth.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
