I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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