i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
