Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She is in my trunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
