I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
