It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
