dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
