I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
