She said her name was "party"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
