im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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