Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My breasts were aching with rage.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
