Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we're making bets on your personal life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
