I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I fill condoms, not promises.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
