I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
