Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
