please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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