There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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