So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
