I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
