the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
