I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize