I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
