At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Bring me that man meat
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
