moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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