walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
