well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if only i could text you this smell
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
