Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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