Whod you bang
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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