chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
