I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
