Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Come on in and take your pants off
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