I wannas sexs uuuuu
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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