I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
