I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
