Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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