If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize