so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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