Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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