Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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