I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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