ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize