Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
