I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
