He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
