im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
