It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
