My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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