he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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