i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
