Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
