About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
