I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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