Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
this just has baby written all over it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize